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Pictures Taken At The Perfect Time : nice & funny

2010-09-29T10:29:00.000-07:00

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pay RM10 @ usd 3.50 u can watch it Free, Refer friend can get money..

2010-07-05T00:46:00.000-07:00

Join Now

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      2: Copy a copy of this email from the site.
      3: E-mail or forward to friends - your friends.

      Every friend to join and upgrade, a commission of 5.00 will be credited to your account.

      Quick & easy.

      How Can Can?
      Each of your posts, you pay RM5.00.
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      azkiya.

Salam

Saya baru join http://www.referkawan.com/?ref=1067 .

Saya rasakan saya patut kongsikan dengan anda sebab ianya mudah.

Dengan laman web ini saya boleh jana pendapatan sampingan dengan hanya refer kawan - kawan sahaja.

Cara - Cara:-
1: Daftar di http://www.referkawan.com/?ref=1067 .
2: Copy salinan email ini dari laman ahli.
3: Email atau forward pada kawan - kawan anda.

Setiap kawan yang join dan upgrade, komisen sebanyak RM5.00 akan di kreditkan ke akaun.

Mudah & Ringkas.

Berapa Boleh Dapat?
Setiap yang anda perkenalkan, anda di bayar RM5.00.
==========
10 Penyertaan = RM5.00 x 10 = RM50.
50 Penyertaan = RM5.00 x 50 = RM250.
100 Penyertaan = RM5.00 x 100 = RM500.
1000 Penyertaan = RM5.00 x 100 = RM5000.

Anda tak perlu terer IT sebab, kalau anda boleh baca email ini bermakna anda boleh kirim email pada kawan - kawan anda. Janji anda boleh kirim email anda dah boleh buat duit.

Kalau anda berminat untuk sama - sama jana pendapatan sampingan boleh join secara percuma di:
http://www.referkawan.com/?ref=1067 .

Terima Kasih & Selamat Mencuba.

Yang Benar,
azkiya.

Finally the Final (Argentina vs. Brazil)

2010-07-01T00:21:00.000-07:00

Finally the long-awaited final between Argentina and Brazil was held yesterday with a record attendance of 95,000 fans - the stadium was bursting with people. In the first half, Messi was shown the green card that is used now instead of the yellow card because it is more environment friendly.

Messi didn't like the card he was shown, and as result the referee showed him some other cards to choose from. After Brazil had scored 2 goals, Maradona lost his temper and decided to take part in the match to give the Brazilians a lesson by himself, so he took off his suit and came onto the field. He scored 2 goals single -handed or rather single-footed.

When Maradona scored the third goal, the referee nullified it on the grounds that he was offside when he scored, then Maradona showed the referee the red card and the referee was sent off the field (according to the new rule, a player can show the referee a yellow card or red or any other colour ) - the match continued without a referee. In the second half, strange clouds of footballs gathered over the stadium and it started to rain heavily - it rained footballs.

The World Cup

There were a lot of footballs in the field, each players had 2 or even3 balls at a time. Brazil scored 30 goals and Argentina scored 28 in just 45 seconds and both teams kept on scoring till each net was filled with balls and the stands were filled with balls too.

The goalkeepers left their goals to escape certain death and took part in the scoring. They all concentrated on scoring and there was no defence; every player wanted to be the top scorer of the World Cup. The match ended 45000-45012 for Brazil, but Argentina wanted a re-count.

As for the knocked out teams, the football stars of France, Italy and England have declared that they have retired conventional football and will play playstation football instead.

Website Under Construction Joke

2010-06-09T19:29:00.001-07:00

Looking up websites on infertility, I found an address that sounded interesting. I clicked on the link and was taken to a site that said, “This page is under construction.”
I looked closer and saw in smaller print: “Check back in nine months and see what we’ve accomplished.”

I bookmarked the addresss and went back several months later. Posted was a full-page picture of a beautiful nine-pound baby girl.

Frank Lampard Afraid Of Taking Penalties heheh

2010-06-04T06:08:00.000-07:00

Monday, 31 May 2010

Three Lions on the chest, a million flies around the arse

There was a mixed reaction to England's storming 2-1 victory over Japan in their final warm-up game before the 2010 World Cup yesterday, as the sweet smell of success was tainted by the ghastly aroma of Frank Lampard shitting his pants over his penalty miss.

Lampard, who also missed a spot-kick in the FA Cup Final win over Portsmouth two weeks ago, seemed hesitant before his penalty yesterday, and scuffed one along the ground which even the crappy Jap goalie found it easy to parry.

According to an unnamed England team-mate, Lamps has confessed he is now afraid of taking penalty kicks.

In his post-match interview, England manager Fabio Capello wouldn't be drawn on who might be the team's chief penalty-taker during the tournament, but it's not likely to be the Chelsea player, who finished the game with a nasty big brown stain down the back of his shorts, and a swarm of flies following him around.

*www.thespoof.com

Heskey In, But No Room For Barn Door Or Banjo

2010-06-04T06:05:00.000-07:00

Emile Heskey has yet again conned his way into an England squad for the upcoming World Cup in South Africa.

However, its not all sunshine and roses for Heskey. With the FA only able to afford a measly twenty three seats on the plane, there sadly won't be any room for Heskey's prized barn door or banjo, both an integral part of his strict training regime.

"I'm gutted, totally gutted," the barn door told reporters at it's exclusive country retreat near Walsall.

A distraught banjo was unavailable for comment and is said to be being comforted by friends in Solihull.

*thespoof.com

lucu: 17 kata-kata Pengurusan

2010-05-26T21:00:00.000-07:00

1. "Kami akan melakukan itu" bermaksud "anda akan melakukannya". 2. "Anda telah melakukan pekerjaan yang besar" bermaksud "bekerja lebih banyak akan diberikan kepada anda".

3. "Kami sedang berjalan pada itu" bermaksud "Kami belum memulakan BEKERJA di

Sama ".

4. "Besok pagi-pagi itu" bermaksud "Ini dilakukan tidak mendapat

"Paling tidak esok!".

5. "Selepas perbincangan kita akan memutuskan-aku sangat terbuka untuk dilihat" bermaksud "Saya sudah memutuskan, aku akan memberitahumu apa yang harus lakukan".

6. "Ada miskomunikasi sedikit" bermaksud "Kami benar-benar berbohong".

Pejabat-pengurusan-fundas

7. "Mari panggilan mesyuarat dan membincangkan" bermaksud "saya tidak punya waktu sekarang, akan berbicara nanti".

8. "Kita selalu bisa melakukan itu" bermaksud "Kami benar-benar tidak boleh melakukan hal yang sama pada waktu".

9. "Kami berada di pusat tepat, tapi harus ada sedikit perpanjangan batas waktu". Berarti "Projek ini kacau, kita tidak boleh memberikan waktu."

10. "Kami mempunyai sedikit perbezaan pendapat" bermaksud "Kami benar-benar bertempur".

11. "Buatlah senarai pekerjaan yang anda lakukan dan mari kita lihat bagaimana saya boleh membantu anda" bermaksud "Pokoknya anda perlu mencari jalan keluar tidak ada bantuan dari saya".

12. "Kau seharusnya berkata kepada saya dahulu" bermaksud "Yah bahkan jika anda berkata dahulu bahawa tidak akan membuat perbezaan apa pun!".

13. "Kita perlu mengetahui alasan sebenarnya" bermaksud "Yah saya akan memberitahu anda di mana kesalahan anda adalah".

14. "Yah Keluarga sangat penting; meninggalkan anda sentiasa diberikan. Hanya memastikan bahawa pekerjaan tidak terjejas, "bermaksud," Yah kau tahu ... ".

15. "Kami adalah pasukan," bermaksud, "Saya bukan satu-satunya yang harus disalahkan".

16. "Itu sebenarnya soalan yang bagus" bermaksud "Saya tidak tahu apa-apa".

17. "Semua Terbaik" bermaksud "anda berada dalam kesulitan" 1 "Kami. Akan melakukannya" bermaksud "anda akan melakukannya".

funny : 17 Management Fundas

2010-05-26T20:58:00.000-07:00

1. “We will do it” means “You will do it”.

2. “You have done a great job” means “More work to be given to you”.

3. “We are working on it” means “We have not yet started WORKING on the
Same”.

4. “Tomorrow first thing in the morning” means “Its not getting done
“At least not tomorrow!”.

5. “After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views” means “I have already decided, I will tell you what to do”.

6. “There was a slight miscommunication” means “We had actually lied”.
Office-management- fundas

7. “Lets call a meeting and discuss” means “I have no time now, will talk later”.

8. “We can always do it” means “We actually cannot do the same on time”.

9. “We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline” .means “The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time.”

10. “We had slight differences of opinion “means “We had actually fought”.

11. “Make a list of the work that you do and let’s see how I can help you” means “Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me”.

12. “You should have told me earlier” means “Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!”.

13. “We need to find out the real reason” means “Well I will tell you where your fault is”.

14. “Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected,” means, “Well you know…”.

15. “We are a team,” means, “I am not the only one to be blamed”.

16. “That’s actually a good question” means “I do not know anything about it”.

17. ”All the Best” means “You are in trouble”1.”We will do it” means “You will do it”.

Funny : Prisoner of aridity (18sx)

2010-05-26T20:52:00.000-07:00

A prisoner recently escaped from prison after 20 years imprisonment. In his travels, he found a house and break therein to find the money. But only a pair of newly discovered sleeping in their bed.

Prisoner was ordered down from the bed, the groom and tie dikerusi. Then, while binding of the bride in bed, then kissed her neck prisoners, and continued to rush to the bathroom.

While the prisoners were in the bathroom, the groom whispered to her: "my wife, she is a prisoner who escaped from prison. See only shirt that he used, he may have been long imprisoned and would have no affect older women. The way I see him kiss lehermu, he would like to have sex with you, do not reject, do not complain, do according to his wish, gave satisfaction. 'This is dangerous, if angry, he would kill us. .. So dear brother loves endure Ayang .. "

Smile, the bride replied, "He was not kissing leherku. But he was whispering in my ear. He says, he is my brother katanyanya homo and sexy once and he asked where I store the body lotion? I answer in the bathroom. Endure love. Ayang love brother also.

Banduan Kegersangan (18sx)

2010-05-26T20:48:00.000-07:00

Seorang banduan baru saja berjaya melarikan diri dari penjara setelah dipenjarakan selama 20 tahun. Dalam perjalanannya, dia terjumpa sebuah rumah dan memecah masuk kedalamnya untuk mencari duit. Tetapi yang ditemukan hanyalah sepasang pengantin baru yang sedang tidur di atas katil mereka.

Banduan itu mengarahkan pengantin lelaki turun dari katil dan mengikatnya dikerusi. Kemudian sambil mengikat pengantin perempuan di katil, banduan itu mencium lehernya, dan terus bergegas ke bilik mandi.

Sementara banduan berada di bilik mandi, pengantin lelaki berbisik kepada isterinya: "Isteriku, dia adalah banduan yang melarikan diri dari penjara. Lihat saja baju yang dipakainya, dia mungkin sudah lama dipenjara dan tentu sudah lama tidak menyentuh wanita. Dari cara aku lihat dia mencium lehermu, dia ingin melakukan hubungan seks denganmu, jangan menolak, jangan mengeluh, lakukan sesuai dengan keinginannya, berikan kepuasan. Orang ini merbahaya, jika marah, dia pasti membunuh kita. Jadi bertahanlah sayang.. Abang cintakan ayang.."

Sambil tersenyum, pengantin perempuan membalas, "Dia bukannya mencium leherku. Tapi dia berbisik ke telingaku. Dia cakap, dia ni homo dan katanyanya abang seksi sekali dan dia bertanya dimana saya simpan body lotion? Saya jawab di bilik mandi. Bertahanlah sayang. Ayang cintakan abang juga.

http://kelakargila.blogspot.com/

inspirational and motivational quotes

2010-05-16T00:53:00.000-07:00

inspirational and motivational quotes for leadership, self-development, training, teaching, writing, speeches, and simply to help you feel good - funny sayings and useful maxims are here; position:

Here are some of the best inspirational quotes for training and teaching, personal fulfilment, self-development, visualisation, and general motivational purposes.

Quotes - especially positive suggestions - are very strong medicine.
Simply reading a few wonderful quotes can often help make you feel good about yourself and life in general. Quotes help especially through visualization. The brain responds almost magically.

Funny quotes which are humorous and also clever and meaningful, are particularly effective, because we all love to be entertained and amused while we are learning.
These quotes can also be helpful for presentations, public speaking, management, leadership and coaching - especially for ethical development of people, teams, and organizations.

A great quote can convey a complex concept in just a few words, and in an age of information-overload, this is extremely useful obviously - to cut through the crap - to get your point across - to help people sit up and take real notice.
And to remember a point or lesson of course. Good relevant quotes are memorable. Some people carry their favourite quotations with them for all of their lives.
These powerful quotes have been moved here from the original quotes collection which includes less serious sayings, maxims, and examples of amusing language of various sorts.

You will have seen some of famous quotes below before but perhaps not known the origins and authors. Other quotations in this collection are less well-known, but are inspirational just the same.
Some of these quotes are commonly misunderstood, mis-quoted, and falsely attributed, which this collection seeks to clarify, for example:

The Mandela Inaugural Speech Myth (actually written by Marianne Williamson and never used by Mandela)
The Everybody Somebody Anybody Nobody poem (and likely origins)
The Guy In The Glass (wrongly known as 'The Man in the Mirror')
The Serenity Prayer
Come to the Edge
The 'Success Poem'
Please note that where quotes on this page refer to 'man' or 'men' this is not intended to be discriminatory, and where appropriate you should use a similar explanation when using quotes which could give such an impression.

See the section on motivation for explanation of why quotes and sayings inspire people, including yourself, and how these inspirational quotes stimulate motivation and self-belief, and promote self-development, personal growth and fulfilment

Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone) : Operator vs Caller

2010-05-03T01:36:00.000-07:00

Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?
Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller : No, I wantto speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!
Operator : You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Caller : I’m Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It’s urgent.
Operator : I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what’s this urgent matter about?

Caller : Well…just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one)has involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one)got injured and now Noel Wan(no one) is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan (everyone)is on his way to the hospital.

Operator : Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then theaccident isn’t an urgen t matter! You may find this hilarious but I don’t have time for this!

Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator : I’m Saw Lee (Sorry).

Funny Anniversary Quotes

2010-04-26T21:19:00.000-07:00

"By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."
Socrates

"Marriage: a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters written in prose."
Beverly Nichols

"If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?"
Anonymous

"Most modern calendars mar the sweet simplicity of our lives by reminding us that each day that passes is the anniversary of some perfectly uninteresting event."
Oscar Wilde

"Marriage is the perfection of what love aimed at, ignorant of what it sought."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Then there was a man who said, 'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; by then it was too late.'"
Anonymous

"My wife and I were happy for 20 years - then we met."
Rodney Dangerfield

"The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret."
Henry Youngman

"Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering."
Anonymous

"A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong."
Milton Berle

Funny Life Quotes - Funny Quotes about Life : www.basicjokes.com

2010-04-26T21:13:00.000-07:00

Funny Life Quotes - Funny Quotes about Life

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
More funny Anonymous quotes

*** Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.
More funny Carl Sandburg quotes

*** Life is just a phase you're going through...you'll get over it.
More funny Anonymous quotes

*** There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
More funny Oscar Wilde quotes

*** Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
More funny Jean-Paul Sartre quotes

*** An autobiography is the story of how a man thinks he lived.
More funny Herbert Samuel quotes

*** The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win you're still a rat.
More funny Lilly Tomlin quotes

*** For most men life is a search for the proper manilla envelope in which to get themselves filed.
More funny Clifton Fadiman quotes

*** Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
More funny Brendan Gill quotes

*** Were it offered to my choice, I should have no objection to a repetition of the same life from its beginning, only asking the advantages authors have in a second edition to correct some faults in the first.
More funny Benjamin Franklin quotes

*** No matter how bad things get, you got to go on living, even if it kills you.
More funny Sholom Aleichem quotes

*** There are good days and there are bad days, and this is one of them.
More funny Lawrence Welk quotes

*** You know, it's a long world.
More funny Lawrence Welk quotes

*** The basic rule of human nature is that powerful people speak slowly and subservient people quickly -- because if they don't speak fast nobody will listen to them.
More funny Michael Caine quotes

*** Life is like a game of poker: If you don't put any in the pot, there won't be any to take out.
More funny Moms Mabley quotes

*** It's possible, you can never know, that the universe exists only for me. If so, it's sure going well for me, I must admit.
More funny Bill Gates quotes

*** Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
More funny Will Rogers quotes

*** When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
More funny Mark Twain quotes

*** Born to be wild - live to outgrow it.
More funny Lao Tzu quotes

*** Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim
More funny Bertrand Russell quotes

*** Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.
More funny Truman Capote quotes

*** Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination.
More funny Christopher Isherwood quotes

*** [I]nstead of holding on to the Biblical view that we are made in the image of God, we come to realize that we are made in the image of the monkey[.] - From The Importance of Living (1937)
More funny Lin Yutang quotes

*** The cost of living's going up, and the chance of livin's going down.
More funny Flip Wilson quotes

*** After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say "I WANT TO SEE THE MANAGER."
More funny Willliam S. Burroughs quotes

*** You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'.
More funny Chris Rock quotes

*** Life is like stepping onto a boat which is about to sail out to sea and sink.
More funny Shunryu Suzuki Roshi quotes

*** Nothing matters very much, and very few things matter at all.
More funny Arthur Balfour quotes

*** All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
More funny Sean O'Casey quotes

*** Life is so unlike theory.
More funny Anthony Trollope quotes

*** Life is like eating artichokes, you have got to go through so much to get so little.
More funny Thomas Aloysius Dorgan quotes

*** There must be more to life than having everything.
More funny Maurice Sendak quotes

*** Life is painful, nasty and short... in my case it has only been painful and nasty.
More funny Djuna Barnes quotes

*** Life is like a cobweb, not an organization chart.
More funny Ross Perot quotes

*** Life is a horizontal fall.
More funny Jean Cocteau quotes

*** In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular.
More funny Kathleen Norris quotes

*** I came into this world black, naked and ugly. And no matter how much I accumulate here, it's a short journey. I will go out of this world black, naked and ugly. So I enjoy life.
More funny Screamin' Jay Hawkins quotes

*** Life's more amusing than we thought.
More funny Andrew Lang quotes

*** A man should control his life. Mine is controlling me.
More funny Rudolph Valentino quotes

*** In the game of life, it's a good idea to have a few early losses, which relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season.
More funny Bill Vaughan quotes

*** Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?
More funny Bob Monkhouse quotes

*** Life is wasted on the living.
More funny Douglas Adams quotes

*** Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.
More funny Douglas Adams quotes

*** Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
More funny Woody Allen quotes

*** Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
More funny Woody Allen quotes

*** Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
More funny Woody Allen quotes

*** Life is a zoo in a jungle.
More funny Peter De Vries quotes

Traveling > China funny

2010-04-23T04:03:00.000-07:00

The Forbidden City, located at the center of Beijing municipality, was the seat of power for 24 emperors from 1406 to 1911. It took thousands of artisans and 14 years to complete the colossal complex spread over 720.000 square meters with 9.000 bays of halls and rooms which become a symbol of China’s monarchial grandeur built on the blood and sweat of its toiling peasantry. Significantly, however, the main entrance to the imperial city, Tiananmen or the Gate of Heavenly Peace, connects the past with the present in a curiously fatalistic manner.

Indeed, the wealth gap in Chinese society has increased phenomenally with the difference between the wealthiest and the poorest having risen from as much as four times in 1978 to almost 13 times today.

So, what we have in China today is tremendous economic freedom without political empowerment of the citizenry. Corruption and nepotism are logical outcomes of this situation. And the middle class is too tiny to influence the system. According to one estimate, middle-class groups with income ranging from 2,500 dollars to 10,000 dollars per year constitute less than five percent of the population. By contrast, lower income groups even in wealthier cities such as Beijing, Shanghai, Shenzhen, and Guangzhou do not earn more than 900 dollars a year. About 60 percent of China’s population still lives in the countryside, with per capita income less than 300 dollars per year.

Having said that, one cannot ignore China’s huge population base of 1.3 billion people. Even at five percent, the country’s middle-income segment numbers at 65 million people. These people are the architects of the future China which, many observers predict, will be the major economic powerhouse of the world by the end of the decade. A glimpse of this can be had in Beijing’s scores of multi-storey shopping malls where customers literally trip over each other to move ahead. Its huge and fashionable hotels are crawling with guests, as are its eating houses, bars and discotheques.

And the Forbidden City is not so forbidden anymore. It is one of China’s major tourists’ attractions where hundreds of hawkers accost visitors and shove tourist books in their faces, quoting prices with huge margins for bargain. Finally, China is waking up from decades of slumber.

hahaha ! Miscommunication (Funny Italian English) - 18sx

2010-03-25T23:44:00.000-07:00

http://www.easymoneystep.co.cc

One day I gonna Malta to a big hotel, in the morning i go down to eat a breakfast. I tell the waitress that I want two pieces of toast. She brings me only one piece. I tell her "I wanna two piece." She say "Go to the toilet." I say "You don't understand, I wanna two pieces on my plate." She say to me, "You better not piss on the plate, you S** ** * B****". I don't even know this lady and she call me a S** ** * B****.

Later i go to eat at a bigger restaurant. The waiter brings me a spoon and i knief but no fork. I tella her, "You don't understand me... I wanna fork on the table." She say, "You better not F*** on the table you S** ** * B****".

So I go back to my room in the hotel and there is no sheets on the bed. I call the manager and tell him "I wanna a sheet." Hetell me to go to the toilet. I say "You don't understand i wanna a sheet on my bed" He say, "You better not shit on the bed, you S** ** * B****"

I go to the check out and the man at the desk said, "Peace on you" and i say, "Piss on you too, you S** ** * B****." I gonna back to Italy!

Lawak Lucu : Kali Pertama 18sx

2010-03-25T23:40:00.000-07:00

Sebaik sahaja Linda baring, dia mula merasakan otot-otot anda mula menegang. Linda cuba mengelak dengan cuba memberi alasan, tetapi lelaki itu enggan menerima alasan Linda bahkan semakin merapatinya. Lelaki tersebut bertanyakan adakah Linda takut.
Tetapi dengan berani Linda menggelengkan kepala. Jari- jemarinya mula meneroka untuk mencari apa yang dihajati. Dan kali pertama jarinya menyentuh tempat yang betul. Semakin dalam dia menusuk semakin kuat Linda mengerang. Tetapi lelaki tersebut masih dengan sikapnya dan melakukannya dengan selembut yang boleh sebagaimana yang telah dia janjikan.

Dia merenung jauh ke dalam mata Linda dan mahu Linda percayakannya. Ini bukanlah kali pertama bagi lelaki. Dia terus tersenyum dan Linda memberi lebih ruang masuk kepadanya. Linda mula merayu agar dia mempercepatkannya. Tetapi dia masih lagi melakukannya dengan perlahan agar Linda merasakan kesakitan yang paling minimum. Semakin dalam tusukkannya semakin Linda merasakan tisu-tisunya koyak!. Kesakitan makin terasa diikuti dengan sedikit darah mengalir.

Lelaki tersebut merenung kepada Linda dan bertanyakan adakah ianya menyakitkan?. Mata Linda direnangi deagan airmata tetapi Linda menggelengkan kepala dan mahu dia terus melakukannya. Dia meneruskan dengan apa yang patut dilakukan. Terus keluar masuk. Tetapi Linda sudah mula merasa kebas dan tidak lagi merasakan apa-apa. Beberapa ketika kemudian Linda merasakan sesuatu memancut dan lelaki itu mengeluarkannya dari Linda. Linda terbaring dengan wajah yang pucat.
Lelaki itu menghamparkan sekuntum senyuman kepada Linda dan mengatakan Linda adalah antara yang terdegil tetapi telah memberinya banyak pengalaman. Linda hanya tersenyum tawar. Ini juga adalah pengalaman pertama Linda. Dengan senyuman yang tawar Linda pon mengucapkan terima kasih kepada doktor kerana mencabut giginya.
hehehehhehehehehe.............
tulah kengkawan jgn pikir yg bukan xXx kasi suspense sikit.....

Funny : Still More Stupid Baby Names - hahaha

2010-02-28T17:59:00.000-08:00

It's time for another installment of stupid baby names. Together, we'll analyze how celebrities choose baby names to accessorize themselves. It's the ultimate in lifestyle branding. Let's start with the classics:

Music and Movies: The hits keep coming for Rachel Griffiths. Clementine could be named for a 19th century song about a drowned woman, or perhaps for the scurvy-curbing Christmas stocking stuffer. Clementine joins her five year old brother, Banjo. Rachel might be trying to evoke bluegrass, but all I keep hearing is the theme from Deliverance .

Boris Becker has named his son Amadeus. This may be a hint that Boris would like his son to take up music instead of tennis, or it could be a tribute to the quirky movie of the same name. Then again, it might simply reveal an abiding love of Falco .

Will Ferrell's third son is named Axel. Could Will be sending a baby-sized shout out to Axel Rose? (Does Guns'n'Roses need more cowbell?) Or is this a sly reference to Ferrell's skating moves in Blades of Glory? Can Axel's brother, Magnus, live up to the promise of his name's Latin origin, great? I'd wager he's got a better shot than Banjo.

Nicole Richie and Joel Madden named their first child Harlow Winter Kate, which is not stupid at all compared to their new baby's name. (More later.) Jean Harlow was an actress who died of renal failure at age 26. But before that, she got to make a lot of cool flicks with Clark Gable, which happens to be Kevin Nealon's son's name. Unless Kevin named him for a roofing style, I suggest he arrange some play dates for Gable with Harlow. You never know. Some stupid baby name meta-inbreeding could ensue.

Literature: Parents can prove their own intelligence with literary names for their peeing, pooping progeny. They'll function as a portable Cliff Notes of cool. We turn to Greek mythology for Anne Heche's latest issue. Atlas was forced by Zeus to hold up the world. Atlas and his half brother, Homer, will be forced to read about their mom's time as Celestia or view her channeling her alter ego to Barbara Walters on youTube. Sorry, kids.

In this category, we have a stupid baby name for the underachiever: Story. Jenna Elfman is expecting her second child this spring. Hopefully she'll aim a little higher this time. As for Story, what is it? Is it a book, a comic, a soap opera? It could refer to anything. No pressure, kid! Just smoke some bud and relax!

Geography: Place names have just been done to death, people. If you must, use my Stupid Baby Name Generator, but be warned! When kid number 19 from Michelle and Jim Bob (Jim Bob!) Duggar of TLC's 18 Kids and Counting is named Josie Brooklyn, place names have officially jumped the shark. Sorry, Josie! Remember, it's easy to change your name. Satchel Allen did it and you can, too. You can talk about it in therapy, which hopefully you'll be able to afford once your mother runs out of eggs.

Nature: Naked Chef Jamie Oliver is growing a human garden with Poppy, Daisy and new daughter Petal Blossom Rainbow. Granted, his wife's name is Jools, but that's no excuse. Do you want your daughter to be rolling around in the mud with some dirty hippie at a music festival? Is that what you're wishing on her?

Mr. Oliver is just not famous enough to nab the stupid celebrity baby naming prize: this goes to Nicole Richie for naming her son Sparrow James Midnight Madden. Won't the kid collapse under the weight of all those names? Is Sparrow an homage to Pirates of the Caribbean? Is James Midnight his porn name? And wouldn't it be strange if a boy named Sparrow grew up to be hugely fat? (Not that I'm wishing that on him or anything...that would be wrong.) Nicole, your prize awaits: the first three seasons of The Simple Life.

Finally, from the That's Unfortunate! department comes this announcement, run in Entertainment Weekly:

Grammy-winning album producer Rodney Jerkins, 32, and his wife, singer Joy Enriquez...greeted a daughter, Heavenly Joy, on Nov. 17 in L.A.

That's right. Heavenly Joy Jerkins. Hey, at least it's a girl!

Funny Salesmen Jokes

2009-11-22T23:22:00.003-08:00

A salesman walking along the beach found a bottle. When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared. “I will grant you three wishes,” announced the genie. “But since Satan still hates me, for every wish you make, your rival gets the wish as well — only double.” The salesman thought about this for a while. “For my first wish, I would like ten million dollars,” he announced. Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and assured the man that $10,000,000 had been deposited. “But your rival has just received $20,000,000,” the genie said. “I’ve always wanted a Ferrari,” the salesman said. Instantly a Ferrari appeared. “But your rival has just received two Ferraris,” the genie said. “And what is your last wish?” “Well,” said the salesman, “I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney for transplant.”

Money Joke 1

2009-11-22T23:22:00.001-08:00

Money Joke 1
A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight! Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet. Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said “Why did you put up such a fight?” To which the man promptly replied “I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!”

Late-Night Jokes about President Barack Obama i

2009-11-22T23:18:00.000-08:00

"That's pretty amazing, Obama winning the Nobel Peace Prize. Ironically, his biggest accomplishment as president so far: winning the Nobel Peace Prize." --Jay Leno

"The Nobel committee said he won for creating a new climate for international politics. which sounds so much nicer than 'In your face George Bush you cowboy a**hole.'" --Bill Maher

"President Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. The committee said they gave it gave it to Obama partly for his idealism and commitment to global cooperation, but mostly for calling Kanye West a jackass." --Conan O'Brien

"Conservatives say the award represents everything they stand against: black people, foreigners, and peace." --Bill Maher

"Obama said he will attend the ceremony in Oslo if he's not too busy with the two wars he's conducting." –Bill Maher

"I thought it was very ironic that he won the Nobel Prize for peace on a day we bombed the moon." --Bill Maher

"President Obama won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. The Nobel committee said they wanted to recognize the president's fine work in bringing peace to a black professor and a white cop through the strategic use of beer." --Jay Leno

"The President held a press conference tonight in prime time. All the major networks carried it, except Fox. They ran the show 'Lie to Me' instead. Fox is something -- they killed President David Palmer off on '24,' they put his brother, President Wayne Palmer, into a permanent coma and now this. What does Fox have against black Presidents?” --Jimmy Kimmel

“Today marks 100 days of President Obama being in office, which is a big deal because 100 days is when his warranty runs out. We couldn’t return him now even if we wanted to.” --Jimmy Kimmel

"President Barack Obama told his Cabinet yesterday to insure that every taxpayer dollar is spent wisely. But there was one embarrassing moment when he had to explain to the Cabinet what a taxpayer was." --Jay Leno

"President Obama should get a big refund this year because he has a lot of dependents. AIG, Citibank, Morgan Stanley -- all dependents." --Jay Leno

"Barack Obama's daughters are very smart. They told him they will take the same responsibility for the dog that he is taking for the economy. That way, if the dog leaves a mess in the White House, it'll be cleaned up by future generations." --Jay Leno

"Well, the wait is over. The Obamas have chosen a new White House dog. It is a Portuguese water dog named Bo. Very cute dog. Their first choice was a wheaten terrier, but it was arrested for tax evasion." --Jimmy Fallon

"President Obama made a surprise visit to Iraq this week where he declared it is time for Iraqis to take responsibility for their country. Said Iraqis, 'You guys first.'" --Seth Meyers

"So they gave the Queen an iPod. I remember when British Prime Minister Gordon Brown was here, the Obamas gave him a DVD box set. So, it looks like they're saving the big gift, the Nintendo, for the Pope." --Jay Leno

"As you know by now, the government is now taking an active role in the auto business. President Obama offering hope, change, and 0 percent financing." --Jay Leno

"It's a great day for our president, Barack Obama, who got to meet the Queen of England today. She very regally gave him a photograph of her, and he gave her an iPod! That's quite an unusual gift from the President. Usually he gives out about $150 million." --Craig Ferguson

"President Obama, by the way, is, I think, making his first presidential European trip. And while he's there in Europe, he plans to fire the CEO's of BMW and Volkswagen." --David Letterman

"Big day in Detroit. You may have heard about this. The Obama Administration asked General Motors C.E.O. Rick Wagoner to step down, and he agreed, which is good news for Obama. You know, the last time he tried to get someone to quit, it took months. And even then, he had to promise her a job as Secretary of State." --Jay Leno

"And in a speech in Anchorage, Alaska, Sarah Palin took kind of a cheap shot at her former running mate, John McCain. She said she couldn't find anyone to pray with during the campaign. She's not the only one. Between Jesse Jackson and Reverend Wright, Obama couldn't find anybody to pray with either." --Jay Leno

"Today, President Obama announced he is using his own money to redecorate the White House. Meanwhile, he is using taxpayers' money to redecorate the houses of A.I.G. executives." --Craig Ferguson

"Barack Obama is taking his first overseas trip as president tomorrow. He is headed to the G20 economic summit. And he's been rehearsing his opening line to foreign leaders. 'Hi, I'm not George Bush. Hi, I'm not George Bush.'" --Jimmy Fallon

"President Obama has announced a task force to review the tax codes. He's concerned there are too many loopholes and too many people manipulating the system to avoid paying taxes. And that's just in his administration." --Jay Leno

"How many watched the President's news conference last night? He got a little testy there, you know. When he was asked why he waited three days to speak out against the AIG bonuses, President Obama said he likes to know what he's talking about before he speaks. So, yet another reversal of the Bush policies." --Jay Leno

"Many people are complaining, though, that Obama is becoming too scripted. Last night, he was having an intimate moment with Michelle, and she said, 'Wait, are you reading the teleprompter?'" --Jimmy Fallon

"On '60 Minutes' the other night, if you saw the interview, reporter Steve Croft asked President Obama how he could laugh with all the financial trouble going on. And the President said it's necessary to have a measure of 'gallows humor to get you through the day.' You know why Obama likes gallows humor? It works much better for him than bowling humor." --Jay Leno

"After Barack Obama was on the show Thursday, I got a phone call from Joe Biden going, 'Wow, what was it like to talk to the President?'" --Jay Leno

Barack Obama Jokes - Late-Night Jokes about President Barack Obama ii

2009-11-22T23:16:00.000-08:00

"Did you see this on '60 Minutes' last night? Michelle Obama is planting a vegetable garden on the White House lawn. You know the economy's bad when the Obamas are afraid of running out of food." --Jimmy Fallon

"This morning, the first lady, Michelle Obama, celebrated spring by breaking ground on a new vegetable garden at the White House. She said she did it to help educate children about healthy, locally-grown food, and to help her own family survive the coming economic apocalypse." --Jimmy Kimmel

"We are very excited to have President Barack Obama on the show tonight. People think it's amazing that the President would take the time to leave Washington, DC, and fly 3,000 miles to come to California. But that happens to a lot of guys when their mother-in-law moves in with them." --Jay Leno

"No wonder Obama has gray hair. That was the big story in the paper yesterday, Obama has gray hair. Wow, now his hair isn't black enough." --Bill Maher

"Barack Obama said he may negotiate with the Taliban. A lot of people are saying okay, but be careful. But I said this guy has experience negotiating with the enemy. For gosh sake, he lives with his mother-in-law, you know." -- David Letterman

"Republicans are attacking Barack Obama because he now wants to negotiate directly with the Taliban. Obama responded, 'Hey, right now I'd rather deal with the Taliban than with Republicans.'" --Jimmy Fallon

"President Obama got some good news today. It seems so many of his cabinet appointees have been forced to pay their back taxes, he now gets a finder's fee from the IRS." --Jay Leno

"Here's some good news. Barack Obama announced he's bringing home troops from Iraq. That's right. Unfortunately, he couldn't get them direct flights home. They have a two-year layover in Afghanistan." --Jimmy Fallon

"During his trip to Ottawa, Canada, President Obama said he was too embarrassed to admit to the Canadians that he'd never actually seen a hockey game. To which the Canadians said, "Oh, don't worry, we've never seen a black guy." --Jay Leno

"How many watched the Obama speech on Tuesday night? If you didn't see it, I'll give you the short version. We're completely broke, and deeply in debt, but we're going to do a bank rescue, universal healthcare, give everybody a college education, have a bigger war in Afghanistan, cut the deficit in half, and cure cancer. We were this close to universal blow jobs." --Bill Maher

"President Obama gave his first State of the Union address to a joint session of Congress tonight. Obama focused on the three most critical things he wants Americans to understand: first, that the economy is in a lot of trouble; second, that the road to recovery won't be easy; and third, that it's all President Bush's fault." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Well, Obama's had quite an opening. Been a month in office -- he signed the stimulus bill, he closed Guantanamo Bay, ordered the planning of our withdrawing from Iraq -- it's like he's spraying the country with a giant can of 'Bush Be-Gone.'" --Bill Maher

"I saw an article last week that said, 'Is Obama's Presidency already a failure?' ... I think everybody should just calm down. Give Obama four years. See what he can do. Then if he's a miserable failure, we'll do what we did with George W. Bush and elect him to a second term." --Craig Ferguson

"How about President Barack Obama's first primetime press conference last night? He was cogent, eloquent, and in complete command of the issues. I'm thinking to myself, what the hell am I supposed to do with that?" --David Letterman

"I tell you, the economy is in bad shape. In fact, the economy is so bad, President Barack Obama's new slogan is 'Spare Change You Can Believe In.'" --Jay Leno

"President Obama has asked the Senate to cut $50 billion from the economic stimulus plan. Yeah, Obama says the government will no longer need the $50 billion once everyone in his Cabinet pays their back taxes." --Conan O'Brien

"President Obama still has not gotten used to the White House, apparently. This is true. Today, on his way into the Oval Office, he tried to mistakenly open a window that he thought was a door. That's true. Yeah. White House employees said at first it made them laugh, then a wave of nostalgia washed over them." --Conan O'Brien

"There was a stumbling during the reading of the oath, when the chief justice of the Supreme Court, John Roberts, forgot the words for a second and then he got them in the wrong order. See, how typical is that? Barack, just a second before he takes over, the Republicans get one last screw up in there." --Jay Leno

"After going to ten inaugural balls last night and dancing more than Cloris Leachman in nine weeks of 'Dancing With the Stars,' the new president was up and in the office at 8:35 in the morning and then he was at church at 9:30. Is it a good sign that after one hour of being president, he decided the best thing he could do for the country is pray?" --Jimmy Kimmel

"And during his inaugural address yesterday, President Barack Obama said, 'Millions of Americans have lost their homes and some of us who still have homes have their mother-in-laws moving in with them.'" --Jay Leno

"This morning, Barack Obama entered the Oval Office for the first time as president and he spent ten minutes alone. Yep. Shows you how things have changed. When President Bush spent ten minutes alone in the Oval Office, it was called a time-out." --Conan O'Brien

Short Q&A Obama Jokes, ROFL

2009-11-22T23:15:00.001-08:00

In the spirit of giving, we're gonna give you some more Obama Jokes... a flurry of Q&A shorties sure to leave you asking for more. Everyone will be laughing... except for Barack Obama, because that would be racist.

Q. What do Obama and Osama have in common?
A. They both have friends who bombed the Pentagon.

Q. Why did Obama change his name from Barry to Barack?
A. He thought Barry sounded too American.

Q. Why won't Obama Messiah release his real birth certificate?
A. It shows that he didn't have a virgin birth.

Q: What do you get when you cross a crooked politician with a crooked lawyer?
A: Barack Obama.

Q. Why will Jay Leno vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because he's running out of George Bush jokes.

Q. Why will Britney Spears vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because she's running out of other crazy things to do.

Q. Why wouldn’t Barack salute the American flag?
A. It was ours.

Q. Why will Jimmy Carter vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because Carter doesn't want to be the worst President in history.

Q. Why is Barack Obama so thin and scrawny?
A. If he were any heavier he wouldn't be able to walk on water.

What'd You Think?

Car Bumper Stickers

2009-10-14T07:27:00.000-07:00

Here is a selection of humorous car bumper stickers.

This is page 1 of 7

This truck is protected by an anti-social German Shepherd

Submitted by : Dusty

Is there life after death? Touch the Rednecks truck and find out!

Submitted by : Dusty

Ford Off road, if it ain't a Ford you either have to DODGE it or the trail or pull it out cus its sunk like a ROCK

Submitted by : Dusty

I'm NOT speeding, I'm qualifing!

Submitted by : Dusty

If this car was a horse I'd have to shoot it.

Do me a favor...Steal this car.

Warning: Driver only carries $20 worth of ammunition!

I don't like tailgaters, that's why I'm speeding.

If I go any faster I'll burn out my hamster!

I am the only one on this planet who know how to drive.

Jokes And Funny Stories About Frogs

2009-10-14T07:26:00.001-07:00

Here are some jokes and funny stories about frogs.

How do frogs die?
They Kermit suicide.

What do you get if you cross a frog with a small dog?
A croaker spaniel.

What happens when you drink Frognog?
You croak.

How do frogs die? Ker-mit suicide

There was a small frog who needed a loan to buy a new car. He went in to see the loan officer, Mr.Patrick Whack. I'd like to have a loan, the frog said timidly. The loan officer said: "well, do you have any collateral?" "Well, said the frog, all I have is this small charm, that has been in the family for years, will it do?" The loan officer wasn't sure so he went in to see the bank manager. "There is this small frog outside who needs to buy a new car, and the only collatteral he has is this"; and he handed the charm to the bank manager. The bank manager looked at the charm and said:
"It's a knick-knack, Paddy Whack, give the frog a loan!"

Funny Bumper Stickers

2009-07-29T20:53:00.000-07:00

I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die.
My car's not a tree hugger, I'm drunk you idiot!
Beer -- Helping Ugly People Get Laid Since 1837.
Rehab is for Quitters.
I may be drunk, but you are down right ugly, and I shall be sober in the morning.
An Irishman is not drunk so long as he can hold on to one blade of grass and not fall off the earth.
Milk sucks, got beer?
1 Tequila 2 Tequila 3 Tequila Floor
Save a tree; eat a beaver.
A cat by any other name is still a furry little hairball that shits behind the couch.
Does this condom make me look fat?
If my dog had a face as ugly as your's, I would shave his ass and teach him to walk backwards!
I need someone really bad, are you really bad?
I used to wonder why God made ugly people, then I realized it was so people like me could get a good laugh.
Firefighters: we find them hot, and leave them wet!
Can I have your number, I'll call you when my dog is in heat.
Sweet guys open my heart, smart guys open my mind, but only fine guys can open my legs.
Sex is evil, evil is sin, sins are forgiven, so stick it back in.

Jim 06/02/2009

Traffic Stop

2009-07-29T20:52:00.000-07:00

Two men are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a State Trooper. The cop walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick.

The driver rolls down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver asks, "What the hell was that for?"

The cop answers, "You're in Texas son. When we pull you over, you better have your license ready when we get to your car."

The driver says, "I'm sorry, Officer, I'm not from around here."

The cop runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. He gives the guy his license back, walks around to the passenger side, and taps on the window.

The passenger rolls down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks him on the head with the nightstick.

The passenger asks, "What'd you do that for, sir?"

The cop says, "Just making your wish come true."

The passenger asks, "Making what wish come true?"

The cop says, "I know that two miles down the road you're going to say to your buddy, "I wish that asshole would've tried that shit with me!"

Funny : lawak nogori..

2009-07-29T20:49:00.000-07:00

Pada suatu petang sepasang teruna dan dara duduk di bawah sepohon pokok sambil menikmati suasana indah di tepi pantai port dickson.

Dara : Abang sayang tak kek den..??

Teruna : Dah tontulah sayang..apo hal eh pulak tanyo nih..?

Dara : Sajo, yo... abangggg. .eden ado satu toka toki nih..??

Teruna : Apo bondo eh ??

Dara : Kalau abang sayang kek eden..kono jawab dongan botul tau²... .

Teruna : Abang cubolah.. camano tuh..

Dara : Kalau abang botul² pandai..cubo sobutkan bezo eh antaro burung dan kapa torobang ?

Teruna : umangg aiiii... Sonang eh... .burung bondo idup,kapa torobang tidak, botul tak ?

Dara : Salah... cubo laei..

Teruna : Burung kocik dan kapa torobang bosa gilo... ... .

Dara : Salahhhhhhhhhh. . cubo laei..ni poluang terakhir tau

Teruna : Burung ringan... kapa torobang boghek gilo... .

Dara : somuo eh salah... !! apo la punyo lombab..hahahahah.

Teruna : Apo nih..somuo eh salah..apo jawapan ehh..??

Dara : Dongar botul² yo..Kapa Torobang bilo naik..makin lamo makin kocikk... 'BURUNG' lak makin naik makin memBOSARRRRRRRRRRRR ... ..!!hwah..hwah.. hwah..tak gitu...

Maaf la ada unsur 18SX sikit. Den bukan org nogori... .tp..best gak... .hihihi

Kalau over sgt mod lock jo la..eden x kesah dowh..

99 High Paying Keywords

2009-06-19T09:09:00.000-07:00

Here are 99 keywords you can use with payouts averaging $2-$100 per click:

1. Structured settlements

2. Mesothelioma

3. Acne

4. Life Insurance

5. Death Insurance

6. Bextra

7. Asbestos

8. Car Insurance

9. Dental Plans

10. Private Jets

11. Debt Consolidation

12. Credit Cards

13. Rewards Cards

14. Equity Loans

15. Equity Line Credit

16. Loans

17. Mortgages

18. Pay Day Loans

19. Cash Advance

20. Bankruptcy

21. Reduce Debt

22. Refinance

23. Jet Charter

24. Vioxx

25. Wrongful death

26. Legal Advice

27. Taxes

28. Investing

29. Bonds

30. Online Trading

31. IRA Rollover

32. Refinance Quotes

33. Adult Education

34. Distance Learning

35. Alcohol Treatment

36. Rehab

37. Drug Rehab

38. Spyware

39. Cell Phone Plans

40. Calling Cards

41. VOIP

42. Weight Loss

43. Canadian Pharmacy

44. Depression

45. Spam Filter

46. Lasik

47. Facelift

48. Teeth Whitening

49. Annuity

50. Anti Virus Protection

51. Adult Diaper

52. Free Credit Report

53. Credit Score

54. Satellite

55. Anti Spam Software

56. Dedicated Hosting

57. Domain Name

58. Need Money

59. Bachelor Degree

60. Master Degree

61. Doctorate Degree

62. Work at Home

63. Quick Book

64. Extra Money

65. Eloan

66. Malpractice Lawyer

67. Lenox China

68. Cancer

69. Payperclick

70. Personal Injury Attorney

71. Lexington Law

72. Video Conferencing

73. Transfer Money

74. Windstar Cruise

75. Casinos Online

76. Term Life

77. Online Banking

78. Borrow Money

79. Low Interest Credit Cards

80. Personal Domain Name

81. Cellular Phone Rental

82. Internet Broker

83. Trans Union

84. Cheap Hosting

85. University Degrees Online

86. Online Marketing

87. Consolidate

88. Helpdesk Software

89. Web Host

90. Homeowner's Insurance

91. Yellow Page Advertising

92. Travel Insurance

93. Register Domain

94. Credit Counseling

95. Email Hosting

96. Business Credit

97. Consumer Credit

98. Blue Cross

99. Laptop Computer

Weight Loss Plan

2009-05-07T01:38:00.000-07:00

A man calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her.

A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.

On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.

The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning and beautiful woman he has ever seen in his life.

She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me."

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot.

This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck.

So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."

"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads,"If I catch you, you are mine!!!"

He lost 63 pounds that week.

(Thanks Barbie)

2009-05-07T01:25:00.000-07:00

The World’s Funniest Real Ads

Believe it or not, these ads actually found their way into newspapers all over the world:

Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.

FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.

Help wanted, singer for rock band. Must be female or male.

For sale, Hope Chest, brand new, half off, long story.

Help wanted, adult or mature teenager to baby-sit. One dollar an hour.

Lost: small brown poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, potty chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.

Four-posted bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

Christmas sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to- find person.

Wanted, man to take care of cows that does not smoke or drink.

Three-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 -- $9 per hour.

Our sofa seats the whole mob and it’s made of 100% Italian leather.

Full sized mattress. 20 year warranty. Like New. Slight urine smell.

Nordic Track $300 hardly used, call Chubby.

Joining nudist colony! Must sell washer and dryer $300.

Open house body shapers toning salon free coffee and donuts

Found: dirty white dog. Looks like a rat... been out while. Better be reward.

Exercise equipment: Queen Size Mattress & Box Springs - $175.

ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER.

Free Yorkshire Terrier: 8 years old. Hateful little dog.

Free puppies: ½ cocker spaniel, ½ sneaky neighbor’s dog.

Free puppies: part German Shepherd, part stupid dog.

German Shepherd, 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free.

Snow Blower for sale…only used on snowy days.

Bill’s Septic Cleaning: “We Haul American-Made Products."

Cows, calves never bred…also 1 gay bull for sale.

Nice Parachute – Never opened. Used once.

Hummels – Largest selection ever. "If it’s in stock, then we have it!"

1 man, 7 women hot tub. $850/offer.

Shakespeare’s Pizza. Free chopsticks.

Harrisburg Postal Employee Gun Club.

Tickle-Me-Elmo, still in box, comes with its own 1988 Ford Mustang, 5L, Auto, Excellent condition $6800.

Money

2009-05-07T01:06:00.001-07:00

There was a man who worked all of his life and saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife."

So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.

Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!"

She had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away. Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money in the casket."

"Yes," the wife said, "I promised. I'm a good Christian, I can't lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?"

"I sure did. I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check."

(Thanks Jessica)

Doctor Kubur

2009-05-07T01:03:00.001-07:00

Pada suatu hari, seorang doktor pakar jantung meninggal dunia. Untuk mengenang jasanya, keluarganya sepakat untuk membuatkan sebuah tugu peringatan dikuburnya berbentuk jantung. Upacara pengkebumian pun berjalan dengan lancar.
Satu bulan kemudian, seorang doktor pakar mata pula meninggal dunia. Seperti yang sudah?, ahli keluarganya sepakat untuk membina sebuah tugu berbentuk mata dikuburnya bagi mengenang jasa beliau. Upacara pengkebumiaan beliau juga berjalan dengan lancar.
Setelah selesai, para hadirin berangkat pulang, hanya tinggal seorang saja yang masih merenung sendirian di pinggir makam si doktor itu. Salah seorang doktor yang lain melihatnya dan segera menghampirinya.
"Sudahlah, yang berlalu biarlah berlalu. Tak usah engkau fikirkan lagi " kata si doktor.
"Saya tidak tahu apa yang harus saya katakan kepadamu," kata lelaki itu.
"Mengapa pula, mana tahu mungkin saya dapat membantu" jawab si doktor itu.
"Saya sedang memikirkan bagaimana pula upacara pengkebumian saya nanti" kata lelaki itu.
"Mengapa pula ?" tanya doktor tersebut. "Saya seorang doktor pakar penyakit kelamin" jawap lelaki itu sugul…

FunnyHappyMoodLawakGilaKelakarStorySite:)

Pictures Taken At The Perfect Time : nice & funny

pay RM10 @ usd 3.50 u can watch it Free, Refer friend can get money..

Finally the Final (Argentina vs. Brazil)

Website Under Construction Joke

Frank Lampard Afraid Of Taking Penalties heheh

Heskey In, But No Room For Barn Door Or Banjo

lucu: 17 kata-kata Pengurusan

funny : 17 Management Fundas

Funny : Prisoner of aridity (18sx)

Banduan Kegersangan (18sx)

inspirational and motivational quotes

inspirational and motivational quotes for leadership, self-development, training, teaching, writing, speeches, and simply to help you feel good - funny sayings and useful maxims are here; position:

Here are some of the best inspirational quotes for training and teaching, personal fulfilment, self-development, visualisation, and general motivational purposes.

Quotes - especially positive suggestions - are very strong medicine. Simply reading a few wonderful quotes can often help make you feel good about yourself and life in general. Quotes help especially through visualization. The brain responds almost magically.

Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone) : Operator vs Caller

Funny Anniversary Quotes

Funny Life Quotes - Funny Quotes about Life : www.basicjokes.com

Funny Life Quotes - Funny Quotes about Life

Traveling > China funny

hahaha ! Miscommunication (Funny Italian English) - 18sx

Lawak Lucu : Kali Pertama 18sx

Funny : Still More Stupid Baby Names - hahaha

Funny Salesmen Jokes

Money Joke 1

Late-Night Jokes about President Barack Obama i

Barack Obama Jokes - Late-Night Jokes about President Barack Obama ii

Short Q&A Obama Jokes, ROFL

What'd You Think?

Car Bumper Stickers

Jokes And Funny Stories About Frogs

Funny Bumper Stickers

Traffic Stop

Funny : lawak nogori..

99 High Paying Keywords

Weight Loss Plan

The World’s Funniest Real Ads

Money

Doctor Kubur

Quotes - especially positive suggestions - are very strong medicine.
Simply reading a few wonderful quotes can often help make you feel good about yourself and life in general. Quotes help especially through visualization. The brain responds almost magically.